15 Trees That Can’t Even Right Now

Someone, help these trees. A twree-storm. 

1.

This tree burned itself down while freebasing cocaine and is all like, “Aaaaahhh.” pic.twitter.com/qTnumkggeq

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) September 19, 2015

2.

 ”I am become Log, Destroyer of Fences” pic.twitter.com/1cEG7amIC9

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) September 19, 2015

3.

This tree’s all, “I have such a low opinion of myself because I look like a giant, bug-eyed rat and it’s exhausting.” pic.twitter.com/swwcLgmsgo

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) September 19, 2015

4.

“Long gone is my time as tree. With integrity (and some sorrow,) slowly, slowly, I transition to fence.” pic.twitter.com/T1zqRNS18j

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) October 18, 2015

5.

Like a dumb, slack-jawed hippo, thinking about nothing. pic.twitter.com/MVvzMJxtm1

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) November 3, 2015

6.

“Someone yelled FIRE in a crowded theater; everyone ran. I was the person who yelled fire. I was the theater too.” pic.twitter.com/6kf5U9RCRc

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) November 12, 2015

7.

“I feel so alone, gonna end up a big ole pile of them bones.” - Alice in Chains. pic.twitter.com/PGgDooeS5V

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) November 13, 2015

8.

8/ Passed out at a tree party, “friends” stuck these all over me. Very funny, losers. pic.twitter.com/sU7jKRU6PR

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) November 16, 2015

9.

9. “Hikers passed. Their kid was straggling. Thought it’d be funny if I stuck out my tongue. That was 33 years ago.” pic.twitter.com/mVEcLWgb4z

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) December 3, 2015

10.

10. “Dreamt I’d grown downtown. The people hung bunting from me! Woke up in the woods again, buckled in shame.” pic.twitter.com/3gbkgD09ue

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) December 3, 2015

11.

11. The Double Face of Janice. pic.twitter.com/fELALudV0S

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) January 19, 2016

12.

12. “omg I’m dead I’m literally dead” pic.twitter.com/9VUtyND7Hx

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) March 18, 2016

13.

13. “I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!” pic.twitter.com/Cz2fB1CjCh

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) March 25, 2016

14.

14. “It’s like I’m not even a tree anymore. I’m just an altar - to myself. Grief is a flat circle, man.” pic.twitter.com/i1RAGPnLfL

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) March 30, 2016

15.

15. The Euler characteristic of this tree equals zero. (This tree is a Möbius strip.) pic.twitter.com/T3mfCXWujZ

— Jon Mooallem (@jmooallem) May 18, 2016